If reading long blogs isn’t for you, you can listen to me read it instead!
(Click the play button to start playing right here on the page, or download and save it for later by clicking the downward arrow at the top right of the box below.)
Each of us has experienced this—those people we find it tough to love, those we try to avoid, and those who greatly annoy us—and yet there really is no escape, we encounter them daily. What do you do in these situations? Do you snub them or possibly gossip about them? These behaviors, while common ultimately serve to make us bitter and appear untrustworthy to others. So, how DO we love the unlovable?
Let me first tell you that I don’t truly believe that anyone is unlovable. People may have actions, mannerisms or just energy that you find repelling to be around, but EVERYONE is deserving of love. Each action in it’s simplest form is a call for love or a cry for love.
You may come across someone who makes it a little more difficult to love (or like for that matter). But you should concern yourself with treating them kindly and with respect; this requires you to view them differently and begin to love them on a deeper level. It’s not always easy. As a matter of fact sometimes it’s downright uncomfortable, but I know how much disliking a person can adversely impact my own life. Through all of my personal experiences, I have come to the realization that in order to shift my perspective to one of love this is what works.
1. Looking within
Many times when we struggle with finding love for what we consider the unlovable it is based on our own perception of the individual. We see a reflection in them of something that we don’t like and don’t want to admit to ourselves, and we have a refusal to forgive them. Perhaps, you needed someone to love you when you were unlovable. I know we’d all like to believe we’re the kindest, most loving, friendliest person we know. But just because we believe it doesn’t make it so. I know there are times when I act entitled, impatient, disrespectful and overall unkind. Thankfully it’s not as often as it once was and I’ve recognized it with the knowing that I’m a constant work in progress…we are all constant works in progress.
2. Evaluating the person
Only after you forgive someone and get your own emotions and perceptions aligned with what is true can you begin to see the person you are struggling to love. You never know what’s going on in their life. Once you are able to forgive, you could really begin to see the other person, their own struggles, successes, and needs. Yes, it’s frustrating and yes some people are simply inconsiderate, but some are just going through a tough time and it’s impossible for you to know which is which so it’s best to presume it is a tough time. Once you are in this place of thought, you can then look at a situation more objectively. That person can go from an enemy to just another hurt individual and hurting people are easier to find compassion for and love.
3. Divine guidance
Being a spiritual person, I understand the value and importance of the collective that each of us embodies. This being said, when it comes to loving unlovable people we must remember that to be kind and loving is a selfless gesture, if you recognize this you have the capacity to provide. It is my belief that acknowledging the understanding that we are all human and are doing the best we can in the moment, allows us to soften and create a loving space for those that seem unlovable to us.
4. Choose Happiness
Not to mention that being kind increases your own happiness. This may sound selfish but when you get frustrated or are unkind to someone, what happens to you? Neck gets tighter? Shoulders tense up? Does your jaw clench a little tighter? Do your inhales and exhales get a little shorter? Any of this sounding familiar? When you are kind to someone, regardless of how they treat you, your mood remains light and your day continues to be great. You are in full control of your emotions and consequently, you are able to continue to choose happiness. Because happiness is, after all, a powerful choice.
If we all take the time to dismiss our own judgments and look within, evaluate the person, consult our Divine guidance, and choose happiness we will truly be able to love others and it is this love that truly changes people. How have you learned to love the unlovable in your life?